Why I Won’t Be Winning Any Awards

We’ve hit that time of year. The time when the nominations have rolled in and the votes are soon to be placed, judgement soon to be made. Blog awards – a time I year I knew nothing about four years ago.

Three years ago and new to the blogging scene I chanced my arm, fought back the self-praise-is-no-praise motto and nominated myself for the awards. Disgusted at my own cheek, I made the long list. Mortified, I made the short list. Disenchanted, I didn’t win. Delighted, a day later, to hear I came third.

Two years ago and still unsure of my place in the blogging world I nominated myself again. Too shy to travel to the ceremony and be among virtual friends yet still, let’s face it, strangers, I followed online, refreshing Twitter over and over till the message came I’d won. Amazed, I sat alone in the darkness and stared at the screen wondering how could someone in Dublin be announcing my blog’s name to a room of people who clapped and smiled and sent me messages of congratulations.

A year ago I nominated myself again. A matter of routine by now, the awards. Made the long list? – check! Made the shortlist? – check! Judged a couple of other categories? – check! An old hand by now. You know yourself, same procedure as every year. Then the nerves set in. What if I didn’t get a mention? Was I going to be an also ran?  I had my favourite for the win alright. I was sure of her. But I was getting greedy. From being overwhelmed the year before, I was now expecting a mention. When the win came, I was ashamed. I didn’t deserve it really.

Lately I haven’t been pumping out the content. I’ve been suiting myself. Reading more books, having less screen time. I even took 5 weeks off blogging over the summer. So when the e-mail came reminding me to sign up, it didn’t feel right to blow my own horn and nominate myself. There are times when you have to be your own biggest champion, but there are  also times you have to step back and make room for fresh blood. Maybe this is that time. Or maybe I need to get better at perseverance. Either way, this year I will be following the awards on Twitter, clicking refresh a little less often and sending heartfelt congratulations to the Disaspora Blogger of the Year 2018.

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