This evening I totally freaked out with L. All day he had been irritating me. I’m still not sure if he was being exceptionally bad or if I was just being particularly easily annoyed. As I was putting him to bed, I broke down in tears caused partly by him, by the frustration of work and the fact that I couldn’t call up Laura. It hit me this evening how she and I used to vent our emotions at each other over a beer or a few glasses of red wine at ‘El Catalan’. I couldn’t hold in any more all the feelings that I had bottled up since she died – sadness and loss, homesickness after returning from Ireland, frustration from the au pair job and uncertainty about the future.
|An old-fashioned selfie|